This story broke about 7 months ago, that Phillies pitching prospect, Matt Imhof, had lost his eye in a training accident. Today, Matt shared a post through ESPN describing his journey, and ultimately announcing his retirement. It was a heart wrenching article, one that vividly portrayed his life changing predicament and the journey that lies ahead.
Now Phillies, I know you’re reading this, if you’re looking for a seamless replacement for this poor guy, search no further. Not only do I have the look, but we are both lanky southpaws, and I also boast an extensive baseball resume, see below:
- I once batted .980 in Pinto level little league
- I have reached upwards of 70mph on the Guaranteed Rate Field radar
- Teams are incredibly concerned with keeping arms fresh nowadays. No need to worry with me, I haven’t pitched an inning since 2008.
- I patrol first base AND moonlight as a pitcher for 2 separate 16″ softball teams
- I’ve never been invited, but I’m positive I could go yabo onto the field from the Sox’s Xfinity Deck. Those kids are low energy if they can’t hit one out of the yard.
I will play for the league minimum, you can just venmo me and I’ll be on a flight over. Thanks for your consideration.