In the team’s first preseason contest of the year, the Chicago Bears fell just short of a Mitch Trubisky-led comeback effort against the Denver Donkeys last night. A contest in which my dad and sister were both in attendance (I didn’t get the invite), the Monsters of the Midway have a few things to look forward to going forward. Lest we not forget that the New England Patriots are also 0-1, falling to the lowly Jaguars.

We all know how important preseason football is. Name me a better indicator of in-season success than four meaningless games where athletes destined for a dozen different practice squads over a 4-year NFL career play a considerable chunk of minutes. You can’t.

The game gave us a glimpse at a few things, namely the glimmering hope that this team could restore the glory of the 2015 season. I am referring to – of course – the campaign in which the Bears were the best 6-10 team in football. If you set your goals low enough you’re bound to achieve them, so I’m not expecting the world of this team. Without further ado, here are a few game notes.

Bald QBs Can’t Win 

Mike Glennon is 26 years old, but he’s got the hair of your uncle. His play shows it on the field. We’re destined for countless pick sixes should he remain at the helm too long. How can one expect a guy who looks like this to be a leader of men?


When your two most evident options for a nickname are longneck Glennon or Bald Mike, it’s time to make some changes. Either shave it or get hair plugs, weirdo.

Doubts on Defense 

The supposedly improved defensive unit seems to have trouble with a couple pivotal aspects. Those are coverage and tackling. The 2 Bronco second half touchdowns were on a 41-yard scamper in which the defense looked as if it were moving in slow motion — and a strike from a 3rd string QB to a receiver who waltzed into the end zone, not a Bear defender in sight.

To be fair, these were the reserve units, which no team wishes to rely too heavily on. However, the Bears first unit committed SIX penalties on the first drive. If this team wants to win that many games this season, they’ll have to shake the cobwebs out.

Can’t Tame Trubisky 

Now, I never took B-Frank to be one of many haters and losers, but alas I was wrong. Sad. Simply put, Glitch (that nickname doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me) Trubisky lit up the Broncos reserve defense. It was easy to see why he completed nearly 70% of his pass attempts down in Chapel Hill.

He also scrambled well, at one point breaking an imaginary defender’s ankles in the process. I apologize for the GIF quality in advance.

That’s a move Bears fans can look forward to for years to come. After an entire franchise-worth of average (at best) quarterbacks, there’s hope in Chicago. Trubisky will most definitely see some regular-season action this year, just when that will happen is uncertain.

One last thing…With Ezekiel Elliott getting suspended, you can all but guarantee that Jordan Howard will lead the league in rushing. Signing off. Bear Down!