Fuck The Cubs Power Rankings

If you are a displaced White Sox fan who just desperately wants a team to root for against the Cubs this postseason, you are in the right spot. Here are the power rankings of who to get behind this postseason besides whoever is currently facing the Cubs

*Working under the assumption the Giants and Orioles hold on.

*The Cubs are really damn good, and so the likeliness said team actually beats the Cubs factors heavily in these rankings.

9) The San Francisco Giants

– This team is in utter freefall since the All Star Break. While I would love to see Madison Bumgarner pitch 3 games of a 5 game series and beat the Cubs, it isn’t happening.


8) Baltimore Orioles

– Manny Machado is the smoothest player in the MLB, and his swing is the Mona Lisa. He is also a cocky mf and I would love to see him taunting the gloriously unknowledgeable crowds at Wrigley Field as he is dropping bombs all over them and the bleacher bums are asking “Who’s #13?”. Chris Davis doesn’t wear undershirts which rules, Mark Trumbo has been dropping bombs all summer, and Adam Jones is captain cool. However, they have no pitching, and Zach Britton is still only throwing 1-2 innings a game. The Cubs would crush the O’s.


7) Cleveland Indians

– Before the Carrasco and Salazar injuries this team would have been 1 or 2. They would have been the perfect WS matchup. Power Arms who could shutdown the Cubs power bats. Sound familiar? The Indians were last years Mets pitching staff (Andrew Miller too) plus Fransico Lindor at SS, who is possibly the brightest young star in the game right now. He is a joy to watch play SS and can really rake. However, 1/2 of their dominant rotation is gone, and Michael Brantley never came back. The Indians had a great year, but they can’t beat the Cubs. Next


6) New York Mets

– The Team that knocked the Cubbies out last year hold a special spot in my heart, but Daniel Murphy ain’t walking through that door, and DeGrom and Harvey are out. These Mets won’t be saving us again this year. However, I still wouldn’t mind a couple Yo bombs and ensuing bat flips. Those are still fun. Yo Bomb

5) Toronto Blue Jays

– Donaldson, Encarnacion and Bautista. That alone places them in the top 5. Throw in Tulo at SS and Kevin Pilar in CF and we have the makings of a fun team. Oh and their games are the epitome of lit, with all of Canada pulling for them. A Cubs-Blue Jays WS would be a blast. The reason they aren’t higher is their pitching is a bit suspect, as I’m not sure if I trust anyone past Aaron Sanchez to get this Cubs lineup out. Marcus Stroman would for sure be up for the challenge though.


4) Washington Nationals

– The 2nd best team in the NL, the Nats have a good chance of squaring off with the Cubs in an NLCS showdown. Reason #1 to root for this team? Cubs killer Daniel Murphy has taken his talents to DC and has been a downright animal. Throw in Trea Turner, Bryce Harper, Anthony Rendon and Wilson Ramos and we have ourselves a fun lineup to root for. Max Scherzer will have to toss a couple gems if they want to top the Cubbies, but this is the first team I could seriously see beating the Cubs. Hopefully Daniel Murphy can once again deliver us endless joy.


3) Los Angeles Dodgers

– Clayton Kershaw. The reason to get on the Dodgers train is that simple. Nothing better than rooting for the best pitcher in the MLB to shut the cubbies down. Besides him the Dodgers are a historic franchise, have a better young player than any of the Cubs young stars (Corey Seager) and feature the endlessly entertaining Yasiel Puig. Top to bottom this a deep, talented team that could easily knock the cubbies off behind a couple Kershaw gems. Buy your Kershaw jerseys now, he is our best NL hope.


2) Texas Rangers

– This team has had the flair for the dramatic comeback all season, as us White Sox fans already know (remember May? 23-10? What a time to be alive). Anyways, this Rangers team is awesome; mainly because they provide endless happiness thanks to baseball hero Adrian Beltre at 3B. Besides him though they have an incredible lineup featuring Roguned Odor, Jonathon Lucroy, Jurickson Profar, Ian Desmond and postseason God Carlos Beltran. On top of that ace Cole Hamels knows his way around Wrigley Field, tossing a no hitter last year, so he can come out a get us a big WS win on the road. All aboard the Rangers bandwagon.


1) Boston Red Sox

– No brainer here at #1. Mookie Betts, Big Papi, JBJ, Bogaerts, Pedroia, Moncada, Benintendi, the list goes on. This lineup is LOADED. Easily the most entertaining offense in baseball, led by a bunch of young stars and franchise staples Ortiz and Pedroia. Mookie Betts is a damn treat to watch, so him hitting dingers into the cold Chicago night would be just amazing. Pitching wise the Red Sox fall off a bit, but after the Cubs (wisely) elected to pass on handing him the big bucks this off-season, wouldn’t you love seeing David Price come out a dominate the Cubbies? Plus, the Red Sox winning means we get a bunch of Barstool content of them shitting on Big Cat, which would only further the enjoyment of watching the Cubs lose. The Red Sox are the perfect team to get behind this October.



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2 Responses

  1. Calmdown says:

    Check your sodium levels.

  1. October 19, 2016

    […] I said in my Fuck The Cubs Power Rankings, the Indians were clear AL favorites. I totally expected them to brush off the loses of Carrasco, […]

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