Surfing the channels looking for a Christmas movie to watch tonight and I stumble upon FX showing a Tim Allen marathon. Side note: The dude has been in like 50 fucking Christmas movies, gotta be a record of some sort. Anyways, I was thinking about what Tim has been doing recently and, as any Midwesterner would, I remembered the Pure Michigan commercials. Every summer we hear Allen’s voice come across our radio waves rambling about some random-ass city that happens to border Lake Michigan or has the “perfect beach” and it is always capped off with that phrase, “Pure Michigan”.
Well, your boy got to thinking, and then remembering, Tim Allen got busted with a shit-load of coke in Michigan years ago. Not only that, but he’s a snitch! Allen gave the authorities multiple names of other dealers in the area to shorten his sentence from potentially decades to 3-7 years. Tim “Tool-Man” Taylor at it again folks. You may be asking, what the hell does this have to do with Pure Michigan? Great question. I have a theory that the commercials are simply a call back to Tim’s drug slingin’ days. I’d be willing to bet quite a bit that Timmy used to call cocaine Pure Michigan back in the day. So, then I really got to thinking. With Tim being so damn famous now, what are the odds he’s still out there moving that good shit, Pure Michigan? I’d say fairly likely. And if he’s not moving it he’s gotta be doing it. One way or another, Timmy is connected to Pure Michigan, whether he’s in it or it’s in him.