Colin Cowherd Sucks.8 min read
Sorry SEC fans but I'm so right here—it hurts. pic.twitter.com/K28QgtGbb9
— Colin Cowherd (@ColinCowherd) January 4, 2017
It’s America’s Favorite Skip Bayless Knock-Off, Colin Cowherd. I swear to god this dude says shit even PFT couldn’t think of. I mean this piece is just chalk full of illogical statements. And before we start, let me just say something
*THIS IS NOT A DEFENSE OF THE SEC. I DON’T CARE WHAT CONFERENCE IS STRONGER, IT MAKES NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE. ITS JUST A TALKING POINT FOR UN-INTERESTING DAY TIME TV HOSTS WHO DON’T WANT TO THINK HARD*
Ok, Colin time.
- Right from the top “I’m so right here– it hurts”. Thats straight from the Clay Travis playbook of convincing everyone you’re smart by making every pick a “Blood Bank Guarantee” and tweeting about it 5000 times if you are right. What Hurts dude? Also if you declare yourself “so right” whats the point. Last time I checked I don’t grade my own papers. What a stupid tweet.
- 0:11: “Auburn got humiliated by Oklahoma last night!” We will come back to this
- 0:21: Does the old transitive property move where one team beats a team who beats another team so team A is better than team C. You know those satirical tweets where someone extrapolates this and shows their local Junior College is better than Ohio State or Alabama every year? Colin just did that. I swear to god College of DuPage was on one of those once.
- 0:30: “Dont overstate Ohio State’s Loss!”. Recall Bullet #2 at 0:11, where in he overstates the fuck out of Auburn’s loss. Seriously Colin?
- 0:35: “It was an awful game and Clemson’s damn good. But don’t overstate it!”. Sub in the word “Oklahoma” for “Clemson”. Somehow, Colin argues Auburn’s loss was indicative of the entire conference, but Ohio State’s was just a bad game. That is really logical and would stand up well in court. Point Colin!
- 0:40: “If Nick Saban wasn’t in that conference, you wouldn’t have a national title for like 7-8 years” This one is just comical.
Of the last 10 champions, the breakdown is
Nick Saban: 4
Non Alabama SEC teams: 4
Non SEC teams: 2
B10 Teams of that Non SEC Teams: 1
Even if we go to Colin’s 7-8 years, the total is still Non Alabama SEC teams 2, B10 1. He is literally just wrong here. No opinion or anything, he just made up a factually incorrect statement and threw it out there. And this tweet got 2.6K RT’s and he makes millions! How is that possible? Are we that dumb of a nation? Can we really not use google? Come on!
- 0:46: “There’s not a second best team in the SEC!”. What was the Auburn thing about again? Them being the next best SEC team. That statement isn’t even factually possible. Somebody has to be the next best, just check out Clay Travis’ SEC power rankings if needed.
- 0:50: “Your 2nd best team was pushed around and humiliated!”. Auburn lost 35-13. Ohio State lost 31-0. Now watch what he does next.
- 0:55: “Michigan lost a bowl game they weren’t humiliated they lost to a good team, Penn State wasn’t humiliated they lost to a good team!”. He just conveniently forgets to mention Ohio State getting humiliated? Also, Oklahoma isn’t a good team? Auburn gets no credit for them being a good team? Also Auburn’s starting QB left mid game, no mention? He is just hand picking information that fits his argument. None of this holds up after 1 watch. Who is out there retweeting this?
- 1:00: “By the way Michigan played in Florida, it was basically a road game and Penn State played in LA it was a road game”. Not that I actually think he watched either of these games, but they weren’t even remotely close to road games. Both these teams had at minimum 30% of the crowd. On neutral fields. USC’s home field isn’t the Rose Bowl, and FSU’s isn’t the Miami stadium. There are no student sections. No home locker rooms. That point is just dumb. God damn it.
- 1:08 “Yeah Ohio State didn’t play well!, 3 years ago they beat Alabama!. They just didn’t play well they’re a bunch of kids”. Oh my god so much here. First off, were back to this “OSU had a bad night, Auburn sucks” thing. Is Auburn not a bunch of kids? Didn’t see when Auburn was let into the NFC South. “3 years ago they beat Alabama!”. I almost feel dumb just typing that. 3 years ago means an entirely different team. That OSU team was led by Ezekiel Elliot, Michael Thomas and Cardale Jones on offense. As in the Cowboys RB, Saints WR, and Bills QB. Wtf? How is that relevant. Last year Alabama beat MSU by slaughter rule. Thats more relevant, at least Jonathan Allen was on both teams.
- 1:16 “The SEC is 6-6 in bowl games”. The B10 went 3-7 dude! Are you honestly this inept. How can you argue the B10 is better than the SEC and bring up their bowl record. Thats like being the main lawyer for OJ Simpson and bringing up all his previous domestic violence incidents. What an idiot.
- 1:25: “If you don’t have a 2nd best team in the conference pipe down SEC!”. They do, its Auburn. We established this already. Where were you? I’m not even saying Auburn is a really good team, I’m just laughing at how he acts like the 2nd team in the SEC was Vandy or something. They clearly had other solid teams.
- 1:30 “Congrats, Florida beat Iowa, who the hell cares its Iowa (makes some non-sensical point about them being in Iowa as if national recruiting isn’t a thing. Also, not a lot of talent flowing from Michigan either, so by that logic they are immediately trash)… Nebraska, got beat by Tennessee. Who cares Tennessee is this far from firing their coach”. See this is the problem. The B10’s losses mean nothing, since they are either 1) Kids or 2) close losses on the “road”, while the SEC wins mean nothing because 1) The other Team is in the midwest or 2) Their coach might get fired because the program has higher aspirations. That’s just dumb. There isn’t any basis or logic for that, he’s just screaming shit into a mic and hoping something sticks. Why is Tennessee’s aspirations for bigger and better a bad thing? Why does that de-value their bowl win. Florida annihilated Iowa, yet the story here is “Who Cares” not how Iowa got killed. He is too busy telling you how Auburn getting killed is a reflection of the entire SEC.
- 1:41: ‘Every team in that conference is about a loss away from firing their coaches”. Again how does this help your argument? So what if these teams expect more than mere bowl wins? That doesn’t make them a bad conference. That doesn’t make the B10 a better conference. Shouldn’t Iowa be pondering firing Kirk Ferentz after getting steamrolled in two straight bowls? How does their complacency make them better? There is no logic there. Come on Colin at least try.
Quick Pause Here: I am so tired, its getting tough to keep up this pace. Something dumb comes out of his mouth every 3 seconds this blog might never end
- 1:48: Moans about how these “Elite Programs” don’t have “Elite Coaches”. Dude, you just scolded Tennessee for being close to firing Butch Jones. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t turn around and then scold them for keeping him. I get your point, he’s a bad coach. But then why are you saying their win over Nebraska doesn’t mean anything because he’s close to getting fired. Isn’t that a good thing? You contradicted yourself in a mere 10 seconds. Also, Ed Orgeron and Kirby Smart are just starting out. You have no idea if they are going to fail. Chill out dude. If they do well I personally guarantee you will be making this same video crowning them.
- 2:00: “Auburn got HUMILIATED by Oklahoma”. Again, what is a 31-0 loss to Clemson then? How are you not calling that humiliation.
- 2:05: Michigan and Penn State are both really good teams. This dude has based a good majority of his argument on simple Wins and Loses. These two teams just went 0-2 in bowl games. Michigan won 1 game outside Michigan all year, to Rutgers. Penn State’s best win just got humiliated in the playoff, and you have already established you love the transitive property. I mean none of this holds any weight to me, he’s just saying shit. He hasn’t fleshed any of it out.
- 2:11: “Hell Sam Darnold played the best game I’ve ever seen a college quarterback play”. And that isn’t a negative reflection on Penn State’s defense? What? Typically when someone has a huge game vs. a defense its a negative for that defense, but somehow with Colin it only validates Penn State.
- 2:15: “SEC Fans get over yourself!”. Colin Cowherd, get over yourself!
- 2:17. “Texas A&M lost a bowl game playing at home! (super awkward pause where he realizes he has nothing more to say so he has to retread this stupid Auburn thing)… Auburn was humiliated! Mississippi State barely beat Miami of Ohio or you would be under .500 in bowl games!” He really decides to go out with a bang. First he re-treads the whole home game thing, because Texas A&M’s home field is NRG stadium in Houston. Then he gives us a nice awkward pause. Then he brings back the dumb Auburn thing we have already fleshed out. And then he finishes with this gem. Mississippi State, the SEC’s 12th best team, barely beat Miami of Ohio. The B10’s 12th best team wasn’t even in a bowl game. So much for that depth argument. And then the grand finale. “OR YOU WOULD BE UNDER .500 in BOWL GAMES”. You know, like the B10.
FS1, do us a favor and please fire Colin Cowherd.