Make The Bulls Great Again (Read: Full of Chicago Guys)

#MBCA! (Make The Bulls Chicago Again)

Catchy huh?

Anyways, the Bulls are a middling dumpster fire that nobody cares about these days, and that doesn’t seem to be changing anytime soon due to America’s favorite GM Gar Forman and A++ owner Jerry Reinsdorf. I for one like when the Bulls are interesting, and enjoy having a fun Bulls team to watch, and this years edition is precisely not that. So were making the Bulls Great Again. And we aren’t doing it by selling Butler, getting a high draft pick and Trusting the Process. Thats boring. We are making the Bulls Chicago Again. Without further ado, here’s our lineup. (Note: Use your imagination on how we acquire these players. I’m not making up a bunch hypothetical NBA trades)

Starting 5

PG: Derrick Rose, Simeon

Duh. The last time the Bulls were actually fun? When it was Derrick Rose’s world. Were sending him to Germany for Kobe’s knee surgery and he’s coming back at age 22. Also Derrick Rose is currently 28 and that just blew my mind. I seriously don’t recall a time in my life I didn’t know the name “Derrick Rose”, he has been on my radar for at minimum 12 years. What a legend.

SG: Dwyane Wade, Richards

Well at least we don’t have to make a trade to get him or anything. Wade and Rose are going to combine for a backcourt of astounding laziness and hero ball. This is off to a great start.

SF: Jabari Parker, Simeon

Jabari Parker and Chicago Basketball are one in the same for me. I grew up in the Simeon dominated world of Chicago Basketball. My first 3 years of HS were 3 Simeon state titles and a certain previously mentioned PG doing this

I remember seeing sophomore year Jabari go out and flat dominate the #1 Benet team led by Frank Kaminsky at UIC as a 16 year old, and him crushing that epic Marist run at Argo as a Junior. Jabari is as Chicago basketball as they get for anyone my age, and a no brainer at SF. Trade Butler for him if needed damnit, this team needs Bari.

PF: Cliff Alexander, Curie

Sure maybe this is just biased me turning this into a nostalgia piece, but fuck it, Cliff Daddy HAS to be on the team, if nothing more than just to mix in a non-Simeon guy CPS guy. The Winter of 2014 was the best basketball Illinois might ever see, and Cliff Daddy was the center of it all. An absolute beast. And bonus, won’t take much to get him on our team, since he’s just toiling away in the D League.

C: Jahlil Okafor, Whitney Young

^Big Shoutout to my former roomie Liam Nelligan and LMBF’s own Nick Surges^

Another no-brainer. Hell, the 76ers are supposedly shopping him, so this one makes perfect sense. Bring Rosemont, Illinois’ best ever CHICAGO PUBLIC SCHOOL’s player back home (See what I did there? Having in on the obscure early 2010’s controversies is the LMBF difference). Anyways, once again Jahlil is a lock for this team, as he started getting attention on the Chicago Basketball Circuit in like 6th grade and never did anything but surpass expectations. Fun note: My 8th grade travel team played his Ferrari squad. I wanna say the final was 130-30. With like running clock 8 min quarters. He didn’t even play the 2nd half. And we were actually good. Also at the time I considered him the 2nd best player I had ever played, behind St. Joseph’s and Memorial Park Wildcat Kareem Simmons. Google tells me he’s now playing at some random JuCo in Arizona. Early puberty; still the best.

Note: You might be thinking, who is this idiot? Anthony Davis is from Chicago! But you would be wrong and not as smart as me. Anthony Davis is as “from Chicago” as your buddy from Naperville is (@NickSurges). You don’t be from Chicago and a star at basketball and go to Perspectives Charter, which is a total #FakeNews name for a school. And before you tell me how he was a 6’2 PG with only a Cleveland State offer, shut up, I know. And he also reportedly sold his services to the highest bidder for College (If you aren’t thinking basketball right now, take your mind out of the gutter). You think that dude doesn’t end up playing for Nik Irvin at Morgan Park? If Anthony Davis was really from Chicago he would have played for Simeon, MP, Whitney Young or any of the countless CPS powerhouses. Transferring CPS schools when you get better is a right of passage, just look at current 2018 #1 player Ayo Dosunmo. Its a way of life. You go to a small CPS school, start as a freshman, end up at Morgan Park or Simeon. So miss me with that “Anthony Davis is from Chicago” bullshit. I guess you think the moon landing was real, Kennedy was shot by Lee Harvey Oswald and Jet Fuel melts Steel Beams. Also if you’re about to point out I am a huge hypocrite because I just made a joke about Jahlil not being from Chicago, yet put him on the list, shut up, I only did that so I could share the fact I played him in middle school and seem cool. Oh and also if were attempting to make this somewhat possible for the Bulls, there is 0 way they could acquire AD. I got a million explanations.


Patrick Beverly, Marshall

You might be thinking he should start over D-Rose, but you’re forgetting we traded for 22 year old Derrick Rose.

Iman Shumpert, Oak Park River Forest

I couldn’t even find a picture of Shump at OPRF, but they are in LT’s conference, and this blog is really just about me, so I included him. Deal with it.

Tony Allen, Crane


Evan Turner, St. Joseph

Including this because I’m pretty sure #1 on the Fenwick Entrance Exam is “Has your friends older brother ever told you Evan Turner got denied from Fenwick? Because he did.”

Billy Garrett Jr., Morgan Park

Billy is still in college, and doesn’t seem to have a huge NBA future, but he’s as Chicago PG as it gets. We needed a Morgan Park-DePaul guy, and he checks off both marks.

Coach: Nik Irvin

This team is only as entertaining as its coach. Enter Nik Irvin. A perfect, perfect fit.


So thats the team. And for those wondering about Iggy or Livingston or Kaminsky or something, we are making the Bulls CHICAGO again, not Illinois again, so that should explain that.


Join the Discussion

2 thoughts on “Make The Bulls Great Again (Read: Full of Chicago Guys)

  1. Hi Chuck- long time reader first time commenter. A few glaring flaws spotted in your roster, most notably the lack of two facial features and a former convict. First off, how you gonna do me like that putting Jahlil “Three Left Feet” (Bl)okafor at C when my friend and colleague The Brow is out here representing down in NOLA? I don’t know if this omission was purposeful or due to ignorance, but as a God/charter-school fearing man, I feel obliged to have his name at the top of my lineup card. Next, no disrespect to Coach Irvin of THE Mac Irvin Fire, but do you really think a team led by former MeanStreets captain DRose is going to listen to his rival coach of the past (and current rival as a program booster) Nik Irvin? Child please. Look no further than the third seat from the front of the Oklahoma City Thunder bench, as Mo Cheeks is clearly the guy that will let Rose/Wade chuck up 3’s all night – I salivate at the thought. Finally, no offense, but if we put Anthony Davis on the team, there’s no longer enough ugliness around to keep Evan Turner on the squad. I vote that in order to keep Chicago’s appearance to the outside world relatively status quo, we put DeAndre Liggins and his rap sheet on the bench. Literally nothing is more fitting of Chicago to the public eye than the criminal stereotype, which to be fair DeAndre has shed, but that won’t stop the fake news outlets and possibly legitimate government twitter accounts from spreading the alternative facts about your MBCA team. Food for thought.

    Gar Forman and John Paxson are doing a great job!

  2. I seem to have missed your “note” first time around (funny how that happened), but I feel like you left some meat on the bones there. By saying that transferring to a better CPS team is a rite of passage, the transitive property – ever heard of it – says we should probably replace DwYane Wade with Marcus “Heir” Jordan who made it popular to transfer schools back when he was chasing big time offers in the premier basketball conference of the Appalachia region, Conference USA (shout out to Calipari’s successors). Never forget that AD didn’t play AAU either, in a sort of “if you build it they will come” move that got Perspectives onto national TV during his 6-19 senior season. In either case, shedding Wade’s contract for MJ’s son, along with the inclusion of Cliff “Bill Self-ish” Robinson, would both be great publicity stunts by the couple formerly known as GarPax, and still put enough pieces in place to make the Bulls a surefire frontrunner to sign AD after his team grooms Jahlil as his replacement (plot twist).

    Sadly signing off in the midst of Bulls collapse on WGN,
    Your future colleague

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