This isn’t an endorsement or denouncement of the icky sticky. Smoke it, don’t, whatever. This is simply a call to arms for all of my single-issue voters out there who live and die by the herb. You all know who I’m talking about. There’s really only 2 types of these people out there. It’s either a guy that you’ve never seen without a beanie on who always says some dumb ass remark about how Western culture or organized religion is pure evil in your 8 AM philosophy class, owns a long board, and trims their facial hair everyday to look like they haven’t shaved in exactly 4 days. Or, my personal favorite, it’s the girl who is way, way too into the spiritual side of yoga, posts 5 selfies a week in front of one of these:
and has her septum pierced (that’s the cartilage in your nose, pervert). These beings of light and purveyors of the conscious sound (sweet band tbh) always make their way out into the cesspool that is Facebook status updates and give you their 2 cents on all things dank whether you want it or not. Look for a lot of buzzwords like “consciousness”, “vibes/energy”, and “let people make their own decisions, maaaaan”. I keep my eye out for cryptic 3rd person phrases that have quotation marks so the reader thinks that someone important said something as dumb as “And she kept her head up, her eyes dry, and knew that all things end in laughter”. Combine these folks with the energy that chirping Trump gives to every form of social media, this may be the single best day for internet stoners since Colorado opened its first dispensary.
For us normal people that don’t have a medical condition that forces us to tell strangers we do drugs every 15 minutes, just sit back and relax. Its not often that the planets align as perfectly as they do today. Also, you can see which of these kids you went to high school with are still alive and if you want, maybe put a little action on it. Life’s a gamble, right?