LMBF Power Rankings: Presidential Pets3 min read
All throughout history, there has been no shortage of animals in the White House. No, I am not talking about [insert least favorite president here]. I am talking about the many furry, scaly, and slimy creatures that the 45 Presidents have given a home, while in office. There are a lot more than one would expect, which requires two sets of power rankings. The first being a list of the animals themselves and the second being the bizarre names the Commanders in Chief have given their loyal companions.
Animal Power Rankings
#5. The Unnamed Fighting Cocks of Andrew Jackson
Ah, the good old days when cockfighting was classy enough to be presidential. Some call it a tradition unlike any other. Since they have no names I am extracting my deep poetic license to bestow the names of Little Jerry Seinfeld and Foghorn Leghorn. I hope history doesn’t mind.
#4 The mice that Andrew Johnson fed
Name your favorite fact about Andrew Johnson…exactly. The fact that Johnson had no pets was a true testament to his legacy. Part of me wishes that he had conversations with them as well which is not out of the realm of possibilities.
#3 Tax Reduction and Budget Bureau, the Lion Cubs of Calvin Coolidge
Easily cracking the honorable mention for sweet animal names, these lion cubs belonged to our 30th President. How any president could be productive knowing there are lion cubs a few rooms over is beyond me.
#2 Jonathon Edwards the bear belonging to Theodore Roosevelt
Teddy sure lived up to his nickname with this one. Roosevelt was beyond obsessed with animals as he had the equivalent of a zoo on Pennsylvania avenue.
#1 The Alligator of John Quincy Adams
What!? To be fair to Adams, it was a gift from Marquis de Lafayette…without a gift receipt. If I was Adams I would have signed an executive order declaring every bill must be hand delivered past a room with the gator sitting in it. Only serious bills would get to the desk of the president.
Animal Name Rankings
#5 Eaglehurst Gillette, the Gordon-setter of Herbert Hoover
This is the most flag-toting, [Barbara] Busch Lite chuggin’ name anyone can come up with. 10 points for Hoover.
#4 Misty Malarky Ying Yang, Siamese cat of Jimmy Carter
You can see this list is getting more aggressive. 7 syllables for a cat that will undoubtedly ignore you whenever you call its name.
#3 Drunkard the Coon Hound of George Washington
Washington was a man of integrity and patriotism and his pet names conveyed the opposite. Along with Drunkard, Washington also cared for animals by the names of Tipsy and Sweetlips.
#2 Fighting Bob Evans, guinea pig of Theodore Roosevelt
Teddy is at it again. Love that the animal most similar to a sausage is named after the breakfast King of Middle of nowhere rest stops.
#1 Emily Spinach, garter snake of Theodore Roosevelt
This one takes the cake as Teddy makes his third appearance in this post. I don’t know what “it” is but Teddy has it when it comes to naming his pets.