Summer may officially be here, but these are dark times in the city of Chicago. Heads are rolling at the Berto Center as The Great Rebuild of the Chicago Scrub-a-Bulls begins with the departure of Jimmy Butler to Minnesota. While GarPax continues building a resume worthy of the city’s many available trash collecting positions (Disclaimer: pension availability TBD), the writers of LMBF wanted to feel good again about their basketball fandom. And so, in this hour of need, we have provided you, Bulls fans everywhere, with our Favorite NBA Players to be debated and discussed. Although today we wake up to a bleak future at the United Center, remember Jerry Reinsdorf’s famous words:

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

B-Frank:

  1. Isaiah Whitehead
  2. Isaiah Whitehead
  3. Isaiah Whitehead
  4. Isaiah Whitehead
  5. Isaiah Whitehead

(I kid you not…)

Mordecai Brown:

  1. Zach Randolph
  2. Kawhi Leonard
  3. Klay Thompson
  4. Anthony Davis
  5. John Wall

Sammy Croutons:

  1. Doug McDermott
  2. Harrison Barnes
  3. Kyle Korver
  4. Justin Patton
  5. Peter Jok

B-Fox:

  1. Russell Westbrook
  2. Jimmy (not Caron) Butler
  3. Victor Oladipo
  4. Lance Stephenson
  5. Yogi Ferrell

K-Bartman:

  1. Deron Williams
  2. Meyers Leonard

(Yes, he only has two. That’s dedication.)

Patrick Bovard:

  1. JJ Redick
  2. J.R. Smith
  3. LeBron James
  4. Rajon (or as Pete’s dad calls him, Ron Jon) Rondo
  5. Chandler Parsons

Chuck Wooding (aka Lavar Ball)

  1. LeBron James
  2. Lonzo Ball
  3. Russell Westbrook
  4. Ben Simmons
  5. Kyrie Irving

NBA Guru Pete Carey:

  1. LeBron James
  2. Giannis Antetokounmpo (which should be in the Scripps’ National Spelling Bee next year)
  3. Jimmy Butler
  4. Russell Westbrook
  5. John Wall

Big Hank:

  1. Kevin Durant (first appearance on this list)
  2. Derrick Rose
  3. Jimmy Butler
  4. Marcus Smart
  5. Joakim Noah

The Machine (Brendan Jones):

  1. Derrick Rose
  2. LeBron James
  3. Dwyane Wade
  4. Chris Bosh
  5. Joe Johnson

(So yes, Brendan still lives in 2010.)

Nick Anton

  1. Goran Dragic
  2. Kosta Koufos
  3. The Greek Freak
  4. Mike Conley
  5. Devin Booker

Saving the best list for last…

My Top 5 Favorite NBA Players

  1. Russ (I don’t even use his full name. That’s how much I respect this year’s soon-to-be-MVP.)
  2. Michael Beasley (Oh, what could’ve been in Chicago…maybe Bulls fans wouldn’t be so heartbroken these days if we had just taken Beasley.)
  3. Clint Capela (Best haircut in the NBA and a very under appreciated center for the Houston Rockets.)
  4. Kent Bazemore (Why not?)
  5. Taj Gibson (He was always the hardest-working guy on the team and served a valuable role as a team leader and enforcer for some of my favorite Bulls teams. It was devastating to see him given away for negative value at the trade deadline last year.)

 

And in case our Favorite NBA Players didn’t cheer you up, you can always just buy a #FireGarPax shirt!

(Contact us here with your shirt size and address to order.)

Favorite NBA Players

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