If you weren’t ready to drive a stake through the Cubbies yet, today is that day.

After this little stunt Jon Lester pulled, the Pirates were legitimately on pace to put up 270 runs. Now, that obviously won’t happen, but giving up 10 runs with only 1 out? You’ve got to be kidding me.

Tin foil hat time.

When I was a kid, my biggest fear was somehow switching bodies with a professional athlete in a high-pressure situation. I also believed in time travel until I was 9 and in Santa until I was in 8th grade. There is no logical explanation for one of the MLB’s premier pitchers – the Cubs supposed ace, to perform so poorly. Some schmuck watching the game in Nowhere, Idaho somehow took over Lester’s body and tried his hand at pitching against the best in the world. I’m about 34% sure.

The Cubs are lovable losers again. The sooner us fans accept that, the easier this ride to purgatory will be.

The okay news is that this is the last game before the All-Star break. The Cubs weren’t so hot going into last year’s All-Star break either. This team needs more than a few days to figure out what in the world is going on, but we’ll take what we can get.

It will be difficult to forget such a turrible, turrible performance, but I’m here to help. Lock yourself in a dark room and watch something about as far removed from baseball on the North Side. I’d suggest my go-to YouTube video for precarious occasions such as this one. Full-screen, full-volume. Get lost in your thoughts.

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