Ahh yes! The Wednesday after the MLB All-Star Game, also known as the absolute pit of sports consumption. Nothing to talk about, nothing to watch; its a barren wasteland for sports media’s professional takers. Barely any live coverage of anything on today, and even when there is, the B-Squad is in doing the work.

There must be something that can fill this hole for us sports fans today right?

WRONG.

You may have been reminded by ESPN that The ESPYs are in fact tonight. How could you forget, when you have Max Bretos and Matt Barrie promoting a night watching sports with Ryen Russillo in his basement that you could bid on and win with a cool crisp $15K???

Its nonsense some of the things that ESPN is auctioning off. Who wants to pay $2,700 to hang with Nate Silver (NERD), or $18K for a trip to Disney.

NO THANKS.

Now I know the ESPYs are all about charity, but I’m here to tell you that they flat out STINK!

On a day where the only sports content is a mix of Tennis, Poker, and Summer League Basketball; its quite smart to position your award show on that night. But i could not think of something worse to watch to close out my night then Peyton Manning, making a shit ton of unfunny scripted jokes for 3 hours.

Not only will Peyton be as unfunny as usual, but how about these meaningless awards? I’d rather receive a 14th place ribbon in the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest than an ESPY. Generic awards left and right; Best Player in this, Best Player in that, Best Team… it’s all a load of hot garbage. A bunch of subjective knock-off MVP Awards, it makes me sick that ESPN is trying to leverage this shitty sports day with an even shittier sports award show.

The only thing worthwhile to this show tonight will be the old Jimmy V footage and the money raised for cancer, besides that, The ESPYs can suck it.

RIP Jimmy V

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