For all of the cool things that Amazon does, they sure can’t seem to figure ‘Prime Day’ out. It is no secret the amount of consumer data that Amazon has on its shoppers, especially Prime members such as myself. Given this wealth of information, why not tailor Prime Day specials to my past buying and search history? Apparently, that’s far too much to ask.

Instead of athletic shoes, history books, and dolphin paraphernalia (judge as you please), I was presented with specials such as a gallon of Elmer’s glue for just $10 and an infant car seat at a discount of 47%. I’m sure those are absolute steals, but a recently graduated college student has little use for those types of goods. Additionally, how random is it to have a supposed deal bonanza on a Tuesday in the middle of July? Academic types may opine that it fell on that date because both 7 and 11 are prime numbers, but how is that supposed to excite consumers?

Other retailers piggybacked off of Amazon’s shortcomings and advertised specials of their own, this time for things people actually desired to buy. I saved money with Amazon by simply not buying anything, instead opting to spend over $100 elsewhere on items that I’ll get practical use out of. While Prime Day’s questionable deals – such as last year’s special on a 55 gallon drum of lube – may help out the weirdos who post attention-grabbing Facebook statuses…

LOL!

You’ve seen a status update like this. HILARIOUS!!!

…They do little more than get the internet talking about such zany specials. Amazon is in no need of better name recognition, as anyone with disposable income has most likely ordered something from the retailer at some point. It confuses me to no end how little sense Prime Day makes. I order something off of Amazon at least once a month, and have binge-watched The Man in the High Castle for hours, but Prime Day just doesn’t trip my trigger.

Instead, the company who just bought Whole Foods should take down the abomination that is Black Friday. Prime Day should be the day after Thanksgiving. Take care of your holiday shopping in the warmth of your own home amongst intoxicated relatives. How they haven’t teamed up with Deion Sanders and set the internet ablaze with flashy deals yet is beyond me. Sayonara, Cyber Monday, one of the world’s most powerful companies will have you reeling into obsolescence.

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